Filed under Birth and bubs

16 unexpected ways parenting keeps you young

Sure, having children keeps you young and makes you feel like a child again. Here’s why:
You need permission to go out  — not from your Mum, but from your babysitter, who is often your Mum.
You become friends with the people you happen to be in closest proximity to in the school playground. Continue reading

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Solidaritea (and up yours Daily Mail)

Solidaritea (and up yours Daily Mail)

Reading one of these women’s posts is the equivalent of panicking because everyone in your post-natal group is bringing out brightly coloured snack pots full of home made humous and pasta salad and you have forgotten a snack but then the woman opposite you brings out a tupperware from her bag from last week that she’s forgotten about and it’s got mould growing in it and everyone sees and you just want to hug her and say “Thank you.” Continue reading

Pop!

Pop!

In those weeks leading up to the birth of BUB.3, I felt my existence had been reduced to a bottle episode. A reduced cast, a solitary set and tension turned up to ten. And endless cups of tea. Continue reading

First bloom

First bloom

You’re not “blooming”, you’re just cracking a smug smile because you don’t have an overwhelming urge to lie down on the tarmac at the supermarket car park or carry a vomit bucket around your neck all day long. Continue reading

Baby I don't care

Baby I don't care

Everybody seems quite concerned about poor Kate being in labour while the world waits. But whether it’s day or night, hot or cold, once you’re in the zone, I think the sky could turn pink and small bananas could start raining down and you wouldn’t notice. I remember looking at the bag of neatly packed iPod speakers, cold compresses, hot water bottles, massage oils and other paraphernalia as merely a trip hazard during my first labour, Continue reading

Armpit

Armpit

Walking through a shopping centre the other day I saw a Dad with a newborn baby tucked under his armpit. The baby was warm, safe, quiet and comfortable. He wasn’t being held in a sling, or cradled like a box of eggs. He was just hanging with his Dad. I felt like David Attenborough for a minute. Yes, we were bathed in the neon pink of HMV’s flickering signage, but it was lovely. Continue reading

Day trippers #1: Paradise Park

Day trippers #1: Paradise Park

Day trips. Shudder. Most places we visit that require an entrance fee are at best a bitter disappointment and at worst a bitter regret.
Not only have you been robbed of the best part of a “pony”, you’re also left with rancid indigestion if you fall foul of the cafeteria and spend the majority of the day ankle deep in urine and loo roll as you trudge back and forth to the loos. Continue reading

A change is gonna come

A change is gonna come

Turns out you don’t know a lot of this stuff, it’s just designed and laid out in pretty catalogues purely to take your mind off searing heartburn and constant, unsatisfactory urination during the latter stages of pregnancy. Continue reading

Trash bag

Trash bag

Every pregnancy is different but there is one universal truth about pregnancy. Normal rules do not apply during pregnancy. As your body takes a one woman voyage to a land far, far away, your mind is also cast out to an obscure land where it is perfectly acceptable to fish baked bean-smeared trashy gossip magazines … Continue reading

Crazy Mummy

Crazy Mummy

I’m new to blogging. Like, brand new. But the thing that has struck me about a lot of Mum blogs is the fact they are littered with references to insanity, craziness, chaos, tips to keep sane, tips to embrace the insanity. We’re one step from labeling ourselves hysterical here, and don’t get me wrong, I … Continue reading

Down but not out

Down but not out

People used to say “When do you want to put the baby down?” or “What time does the baby usually go down?” or ” Does he go down easily?”. Down where I thought? Where is he going? Continue reading

Throw the vac around, love

Throw the vac around, love

Boobs leaking, eyes sagging, tears pricking: early motherhood is ripe for great big rows with your partner, especially when they helpfully suggest that perhaps you can vacuum while breastfeeding the baby in a sling. What? Of course Willy Wonka, who is the most housework-sharing, hands-on Dad in the world, was trying to be helpful, wanting … Continue reading

Attached at the nip

Attached at the nip

I didn’t know if I’d be a Gina Ford Mum, and feed my baby at set times and be told to break wind no later than 2.30pm while climbing the stairs, or whether I’d be a more go-with-the-flow kind of Mum Continue reading

Teenage dirtbag

Teenage dirtbag

Clumsiness became the bane of my life, as I lumbered out of balance between cake shops, ricocheting off cheese counters, slinging jam jars out of the fridge and tripping over my no longer visible feet. Continue reading

Don't sweat the small, bouncy stuff

Don't sweat the small, bouncy stuff

I swore blind that the Winnie the Pooh bouncy chair was the best thing our baby received as a gift, and indeed it was beautiful, soft and fun and it served him very well. Bouncers are so popular because it soon becomes obvious that it’s difficult to know where to put the baby when he … Continue reading

Boob with a View

Boob with a View

I have breastfed at the top of Centrepoint in Sydney, with 360 degree views of the city, on a very cramped semi-submersible boat on the Great Barrier Reef and on a pedalo in London’s glorious Regent’s Park. Choose your place wisely and everyone else will be too busy looking the other way. Continue reading

Desert island pregnancy survival kit

Desert island pregnancy survival kit

Pregnant? Right, you’ll need a whole host of bizarre things like belly bands, belly belts, belly balm and breast pads won’t you? Hmm, well in trying to think of the things that I would quite like to have access to on a desert island if I was pregnant and washed up, I found it was everyday items that would be my essentials. Continue reading